Last night was not a good night, recovering from surgery is hard work. I mean, the pain is intense, but the actual mental anguish is huge as well. The amount of time spent alone with my own thought’s is huge, I can’t feel my arm still which I can’t get used to.
Pain meds are a strange love affair as well as I am not sure what is causing me to feel sick and nauseous, the nausea is like intense sea sickness now. I am having trouble breathing which has happened for a while but is causing me to hyperventilate which as well is not something I am used to.
There’s other nasty symptoms but I don’t want to really go into them, but it’s safe to say that my body feels incredibly weird at the moment.
The pain is manageable but again, sleep is hard work as people constantly wake you to take meds, do blood pressure tests and get the observations done.
I have had surgery numerous times, I am used to all this, but this is much bigger than any surgery I have had before and the toll on my body is much more than ever before.
You know when you get that feeling that you want to just jump into your own bed and hibernate away from the world? That is how I feel right now.
I am pretty upbeat though even though I am down, makes no sense but I am still like yeah!!!! It is out of me! Onwards and upwards! Beat this bitch!
The upbeat me wants to just go for a walk around the hospital and see what is about but the sensible realistic me knows I can’t move more than 5 feet without being in intense pain!
Catch 22, it really is a crazy catch 22!
I suppose I can’t complain, I have my own room, a TV, my gadgets, the internet, fed, watered and looked after really well.
I guess I am just not used to slowing down, I guess I am not used to stopping for even 5 minutes. I know I need these 5 minutes of rest, but my body does not know how to make that rest happen!
I am the idiot who made the choice to have this surgery and have it all in one go, but blooming heck it’s a bit of a life changer. No more star jumps and no more working out for some time, I guess I can get used to that though, I am sure I can get used to that actually.
How I feel today is weird, wired and worried. I do realise these are all normal emotions so it’s all good.
There was a lady next door to my room as well last night who was making noises all night which added to my brain going into overload as well! I did eventually sleep though which was amazing!
The staff in this hospital are amazing though, I cannot praise them enough. I just wish I wasn’t in here as I am really bored! I am that bored I have written far to much on my laptop now, and taken far to many random weird pictures and annoyed everyone I can! I need to find something else to do now!
I need to come up with a game that only I know about and annoy everyone with that I think! Really go to town with it as well cause a bit of controversy!
I know hospital stays are never fun, they really do suck! But it is the best place for me at the moment, definitely the best place for me at the moment!