It’s all well and good having loads of fun, being brave, putting on a face around everyone. But the simple fact is it’s almost impossible to do anything now without extreme pain.
I spent yesterday at Reading festival and what a privilege it was, I got to go on main stage, invade the BBC radio one tree house and meet some amazing people.
It’s usually a shock to people who meet me with just how sick I am, it’s that thing of I look well but I’m riddled with tumours. They are very visible now though and causing extreme pain, the worst of the pain in my hips and arm now. Walking is pretty damn hard now and doing anything with my left arm is almost impossible.
One of the saddest things to me is, the experience of a festival used to be one of euphoria and hyperactivity. This time was a sense of sadness, this is likely the last time I will do this.
Now, when I left the festival it was emotional for both me and my brother as we are not even sure we will see eachother again as he heads off on tour around America and Canada. That lead to tears, upset and a certain kind of heartache that I can’t explain. It’s just unimaginable really, that you may never see someone again alive or in a healthy state.
This brings me to getting back to the hotel, I got back and my body decides it was done. It crashed, unadulterated pain in my pelvis, chest, abdomen, legs and arm. To the point I was lying in bed crying with pain, but it was worth it to have the experience I had.
I never know how the pain will affect me and some days are far worse than others, due to pain management and determination I can do the things I do but its not at all easy!
Not easy at all!
This isn’t meant to be a sad post but it’s hard not to be due to the nature of the content, but I hope people understand why I share this side of things so as you know I am not a machine.
Much love and have a glorious day everyone