“You are all booked in Mr Thomas, take the double doors and a seat on the left” the receptionist said.
I arrived half an hour early after my last appointment, scared and worried I took a seat with my mum and Claire. The family next to me crying, with what I can only assume is someone’s wife and a gentleman’s mother. It’s a tough place to be when your suffering as it’s someone’s fate usually decided in these places.
People look weak and frail, but I don’t, I feel it but I don’t apparently look weak, I look toned according to the doctors this morning and healthy. There’s a reason for that just like they said in Galaxy Quest “never give up, never surrender”.
I don’t understand the deterioration of the human body enough, but I know what stops mine from crumbling after losing 4 stone last time, that’s to have protein shakes, eat well and try avoid rubbish food and control my diet and sleep. Not always easy but I try.
So, oncology the wait feels like it is forever to see the doctor. It’s not exactly a nice feeling especially as half an hour before you have been told there’s practically no way it’s not come back in the places shown. It’s crazy as I have started to mark my lumps and bumps with Sharpies to see the growth rate. Nuts but helps a lot as shows that your not just being a hypochondriac and it’s a relief when people confirm your suspicion.
People here in the waiting room to me seem like normal average Joe’s who have lives just like the rest of us. Some I over heard only have a few months, some need chemotherapy and some need radiotherapy. There is some kind of beauty in the connection that people have with eachother here, it’s like unwavering love, attentiveness and just care at it’s purest.
I guess I should wait now to see what they say to me and then try make sense of it all. Atleast I have family here and can sit by the sea later and ponder life if it all gets to much.
Soooo, I have seen the oncologist and I definitely need surgery. The oncologist scathed over it as I am obviously anxious about it. There are two possibilities for it and he back tracked on the one.
Also he back tracked on what he said about where it would spread saying that the area wasn’t within the flow, when we have been told it would be by numerous doctors and him on numerous occasions.
Generally the thinking is now that it is and needs to come out as soon as possible one to check the size of it in the real world and what it is as it could be a mixture of things. But if it is cancerous it will be a closer match to a sarcoma this time than a carcinoma.
I’ll be honest I’m not shocked with the outcome, I was expecting to get little info and just be sent for surgery so here’s to another 8 weeks of stressing.
Once I have had surgery, I will have a scan so that’s a plus as well. If it is what we think then I think it’s time to go private as there’s so little the NHS can do at the moment.