So, I didn’t sleep at all really last night! Late night conversations and stress kept me awake for far to long. I kept dreaming about absolute rubbish, those kind of dreams that are just absurd and distorted. I tried my best not to think about today, what may come and what I am possibly about to face.
But guess what I couldn’t! My mind’s gone into an overbearing overdrive mode. I feel physically sick, I haven’t showered either felt so fed up! If you know me at all, you’ll know I shower twice a day!
Right now I’m in the car on my way to the hospital, actually seriously worried and nervous! Annoyingly Craig David came on and I hate Craig David so that’s a good start. Ohhhh, to top it off I look out the window and the signs I see are, coping, counselling and hope, they all had things after but why! Not helpful today!
I’m intrigued to find out why I need to go to orthopaedic’s though as I only found out yesterday. I don’t want to have cancer anymore, I definitely don’t want it in my bones. I know it affects my soft tissue, muscle and my skin at the moment. I’d just like some good news.
What’s crazy is I posted this blog for no other reason but to explain how shit it is and how I feel and in 2 days I have had over 2000 odd page views and people keep checking it out, I am mega thankful for all the messages off people as well. I’ve been messaged randomly from South Africa, Dubai, America, Australia and Indonesia.
My hope is not to get exposure but maybe to get a bit more information that I can compile for others to learn from and understand how others feel in this situation. As I said before my closest advisor in this who had a similar cancer to mine died last year so I have no one else to get extra information from now.
Encouraged is how I feel knowing so many people are checking it out, I know some people will complain, some will be annoyed but if that’s how you feel take a good look at yourself and think deep and hard about who you are, because if your complaining about something I say you must be very narrow minded and completely misguided.
Blogs can be fact checked if written correctly and honestly. So before you come to me with your blurb about what I have said, make sure that you’re not the idiot I’m talking about! Because one I won’t remove it and two your a terrible person!
I just read that out to crowd and they burst out laughing!
So, we get to New Cross, my mom’s late due to traffic, we have a maccies and take a seat in the waiting room in orthopedics.
I get called for by a lovely doctor, we get in there and he says let’s have a look at this limp! I was like LIMP! Are you having a giraffe! He was like yeah you have been referred for a limp!
Ok, let’s get this straight. I don’t have a limp I have a lump, he was like ahhh I though it was funny that a guy with cancer has a limp and was referred as an emergency. Low and behold he had read the paperwork wrong and it said lump not limp.
Problem solved, so he inspects my back and says it’s unlikely it has spread to my bones but need to have further tests, but he agreed I have numerous lumps on my body that cause me pain.
So off to the oncologist I go, will update my blog when I have seen them.