If anyone knows like personally they would say I can’t survive without a few things, now hospital becomes restrictive in my quest for these things!

One is the beach as I go and see it ever single day, I skateboard down and appreciate it so much every time I see it. The way the light glimmers of the ocean is just something to behold!

Two, Films now I can do this in hospital and luckily have good internet and tethering so can watch on my iPad or laptop. I must have watch lost boys and ready player one about ten times now since I have been here. I need to buy more off Amazon! Lol

Three and most importantly is fine food, I am a foodie, I love food and I only really like proper nice food, delicate flavours and a well sized portion. In hospital you don’t get this stuff. BUT… you do get insanely good food in this hospital with a huge selection of things to have.

Four… Blue Balls, now you may remember before I have a few issues with getting my plumbing to work anyways so not too much of an issue. Psychologically though it is taking a toll, as if I am less of a man as I can’t physically get a boner! Maybe funny to some but seriously it really affects me, in a way I never thought it would, genuine sadness that I can’t get it up! Hey ho we know why and should be fixed soon enough!

Five… Freedom! I am a freespirit! I am a free person, who loves to advocate being free and breaking the rules of the norm to get further and that is exactly what I want to get into people’s heads. I am unfortunately too weak to even contemplate being active, I have lost a lot of weight and need to put it back on and then I should feel better to go be more active.

I could list a lot more but I also miss my skateboard! My doggy and family, I am a long way from home and it is a bit of a strange place to be surrounded by very sick people twice my age.

I sometimes find myself becoming jealous of them, thinking I won’t even get to your age and you are complaining. I have accepted a lot but doesn’t mean I won’t carry on fighting every single day to get where I want to be!

I also recently got with a girl, what’s funny is I have been single a long time! My private life is exactly that, private but even when dying or sick you still want companionship.

I think I may write a book about it, as it seems a book worthy thing in my opinion I would enjoy reading it!

Anyways, smile, be yourself, don’t be afraid to share what you feel, who cares if people judge you!

About PeeWeeToms

So what's the story? Well in 2015 I was diagnosed with a Sarcomatoid Carcinoma. To say the least it was aweful, I have managed to get through three years now with it coming back with vengance 4 times. On the 29th December 2017 I found it had likely spread. This is my dialogue with myself.

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