I Don’t Need A Metaphor For You To Know That I Am Miserable

“I don’t need a metaphor for you to know I am miserable” – PRVIS

Exactly I don’t need a metaphor for people to know I am miserable. I am not a happy bunny at the moment, my family and loved ones all know that I am different person.

Somethings I do now are very good, equally I am increasingly stressed, angry and agitated. People keep telling me to take medication to calm me down, but I am wanting to understand the behaviour more!

Why would I want to dull my personality in anyway? The emotions that I am feeling are always going to be hard and conflicted.

The heart means well but the brain doesn’t always kick into gear properly! Certainly, doesn’t always kick into gear!

Family especially find this all hard to deal with and understand as they are like I am a completely different person to other people, and that is because I am. Not due to personality but people I haven’t met, haven’t seen in years, months, those people aren’t constantly hounding me for information. They aren’t always trying to protect me, try make decisions for me.

I agree that help is always needed in these situations, I understand that perceive things differently, perceptions as well change over time.

I am by no means a creature of habit! I am so distracted by everything, I look at the world some days and just stare at the scenery. You may think why do that? But my world has changed and to the people who knew me before I am still that person from before.

I assure everyone, that I am a million miles from who I was, I took a trip to another world and came back new! (Metaphor, I’m not crazy!)

I just wish I could still express all my feelings to the ones close to me without clashing, I put this down to me not having any space from people, from the cancer an being me.

I don’t think my vlog has really been a very good reflection of who I really am as the snapshots are of me scared, worried and hurting. I am always positive and work hard daily to keep positive despite everything, but I have that attitude that is all about what’s next! What am I going to achieve next! What bridge are we going to build and what are we going to do on the other side!

I assure you, I not a nasty person, I am compassionate, I have morals, I have manners, but with family, with all that is going on I have no patience.

I am just one of those people who get infuriated by everything that is going on, drives me mad 90% of the time and I have to just go to sleep! I am running in circles with people’s feelings and it hurts me watching others hurting!

That age old saying, cut your nose off to spite your face! You hurt the ones you love because you don’t expect them to leave and you feel comfortable to let rip and sound off!

Pushing people away is easier than dealing with the trauma a lot of the time! Much easier, but my best advice would be keep people close you need them! Don’t accept foolishness but be mindful that the past is the past! If you keep looking at the past and not the future, you will get nowhere!

I know if I still lived in the past I would be one of the unhappiest people in the world! But I am not, I am happy, I am able to stay positive in these situations and press on!

Obviously, there are things that upset me, but press on. Don’t be down for long is what I say!

Ohhh and I am out of the hospital now having some down time!

About PeeWeeToms

So what's the story? Well in 2015 I was diagnosed with a Sarcomatoid Carcinoma. To say the least it was aweful, I have managed to get through three years now with it coming back with vengance 4 times. On the 29th December 2017 I found it had likely spread. This is my dialogue with myself.

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18 Comments on “I Don’t Need A Metaphor For You To Know That I Am Miserable”

  1. Dan I am sure everything you are feeling is “normal” considering the shit that has landed at your feet. I would curl up in a ball and give in I know I would. You have just had major surgery no wonder your emotions are all messed up .

  2. You probably don’t need to hear my comments right now, but I just want to tell you that after I had surgery I went into a severe depression and wasn’t able to shake it off for a few months. I did eventually start feeling like my old self again. It took a while though.

      1. Why didn’t you like you before? I don’t really know you, but you seem like such a sweetheart. Oh well, just hang in there Dan. Make yourself as comfortable as you can and take it easy on yourself. You will start feeling better soon. You are finally getting the care you need, and are on the road to recovery. You are going to be ok!

      2. You are very hard on yourself , sure we dont know the full story but Iv yet to see anything other than a lovely kind sexy man going thru hell.I kind of understand I dont like myself much , never really ever have but what is happening to you now has nothing to do with your past Dan , its not karma. No one is perfect . and the way I see it is something bad is happening to a lovely bloke , forget the past focus on now. Be kind to yourself , forgive yourself Dan. Hugs X

  3. Frustrating, I’m sure. Completely normal to take things out on those we love the most. At the center here we have groups or counsellors to get yhings out. Do you have a phone in crabby line where you can get it all out? Lol There are medications that won’t make you high that can help. Or, have you been able to try meditation? That is hard for me, I always fall asleep haha. Just me trying always to offer suggestions you likely already tried. Gentle hugs Dan. ♥♡♥

      1. Lol, true. Venting how you really feel and then facing the person is at the least awkward. Realize your family are on the same roller coaster as you. Their thoughts are going wild. They probably aren’t sharing their worse fears with you. As I go through my mates journey I used to get pissed that our parents , our kids everyone I felt should didn’t do morel. But life just kept clicking along as if nothing was happening in my and my husbands life. I became so infuriated at the apathy I just isolated from most. I finally went on antidepressants so I could quit lashing out at loved ones. You probably will come to that realization in time. What you’re dealing with is a nightmare. Your family is aware of the seriousness but they really don’t know what to say or do at times. I’m sure they are frantic inside. And I found with our adult kids the more I became upset the more they wanted to stay away. It came down to , I wanted someone to make the damn disease go away. I don’t want to deal with the stress of it period. The meds do keep me in control way better emotionally without making me wonky. But I still hate this crap.

    1. Try some counseling and mediation. Don’t spend this time in conflict with your family. Hang in there fella. Prayers from Texas.

  4. uve just had major surgery and u was locked up in a cell in the hospital! with no sleep, and annoying people by ur side the whole time that would make me feel pent up and angry too! along with post surgery and the new path ur taking with the choice of surgery and not knowing what will happen next! yea uve got it tough real tough! Ur strong man! but we do this to be alive, ur not ready to leave this world yet, and your doing all u can to be here, and educate others on ur journey

  5. Dan, what you are going through is the biggest mind screw anyone can experience. That along with being in pain, nauseous and sleep deprived is more than enough to put you in a bad mood. Take some time to yourself. Get some rest and regroup. As always sending, sending positive vibes from the US. Stay encouraged.

  6. Good to see you.
    When I am so disgusted with human behaviour, or self critical, or fed up with those closest to me, or…
    those things are always going on, but, when I am out of balance they become unmanageable.
    So I wallow in it a while, seems my only option.
    Then I get stronger, and I realize for the billionth time,
    my thoughts are taking me down and it’s time to see them for what they are.

    Then I focus on my breath, forgetting often, but enough to calm the thoughts.
    I don’t allow the thoughts, as much as I try:).
    Bit by bit it gets better.

    My energy changes and there is hope.

  7. Hi Dan, it sounds pretty normal to me for you to feel the way you are.
    You have been through a lot over the past few months and you are truly being hard on yourself. Hang on in there, I really think the stress of everything will have its affect on you, who wouldn’t be.
    You are an amazing guy who has been truthful, caring and still given support to others.
    Yes you will be back on form in a day or two but you also need you time. This whole journey must really zap your energy, questions and answers taking everything in ! Trying to understand things going on around you and at times feeling like you’re looking through a glass window. Take care Dan, wishing you a speedy recovery. X

  8. Your body has been through an assault. Cancer takes it’s toll. I would think you are trying to sort out who you are now. It’s a lot to deal with. Keep in mind… You can’t pour from an empty cup. Take care of yourself first. x

  9. Until someone has walked this journey they cannot possibly understand you. I live it every day. I have been living with cancer for 8 years. The feeling of being completely out of control of your own body, facing death, feeling like crap, so many things to deal with internally that no one can possibly wrap their minds around. I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this and now it is compounded by the actions of selfish humans! You are entitled to every emotion, every moment of anger, people have no clue!! Hang in there! Be strong and keep your own sanity the top priority! For your body to heal, you must keep a healthy mind and spirit! Praying for you and your family!

  10. Being out of control of what happens to your body and your life, with doing what you want to do, is very daunting and very frustrating .I don’t think people really understand that till it happens to them …… what i liked about your vlogs you show emotions at time (it is ok to be angry and sad and show that part,and really beneficial for others to see ) but you also show you can be in control of certain parts and up to you to decide to how you are going to be ..but that is my two cents worth of opinion lol

  11. Everyone who cares for you has your back none of the other trolls matter theyre jealous because you are so popular and a very honest guy and thats a rare thing to find and yhey know it wish you better and more Dan you are stronger than you think

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