On Tuesday, 26th of June 2018 I visited the Royal Marsden for my scan results. This time going in felt somewhat strange; there was a heavy humid heat outside and inside a certain feeling of sadness. I had a bit of a breakdown the day before, so had to go clear my head, so spent some time with my friends who treated me to lunch in London.
When I was sat in the waiting room of outpatients in the Royal Marsden, I found myself being sick, uncontrollably. I had this horrific feeling at around 2pm and my parents hadn’t got there yet to meet me, I started to go into panic mode, the kind of frantic mess type of panic mode, I was sweating, had the salty sickness taste and my body just felt weak. I was called over by a nurse to check my stats at around 2:30pm, turned out I had a temperature and wasn’t very well.
I was put into a room to wait for the doctors, finally with about 5 minutes to spare my parents made it. This was followed by the doctors and nurses coming in, I knew straight away something was wrong.
The doctor, sat down and asked how I felt. I was sat on the bed and explained that I wasn’t too great, truth was I was in agony, the sheer number of tumours and where they are placed in my chest, back and side. The lymphedema has got worse and the swelling is pretty bad by this point, my arms swollen and rubs on the tumours on my left side so causes more pain!
The doctor then spent some time checking me over, then we got down to the results, the results were not good at all, the tumours had grown, there is new spread and it’s now uncontrollable. At this point he proceeded to tell that all treatment would now stop.
That was a heart-breaking thing to hear, as someone who is passionate about living and living life to its fullest it really puts a downer on the day!
But… as always’s I looked at it objectively, how can we move forward from this point and pick up from where we left off researching. So, I made some calls, sent some emails and have meetings set up with drug trial units, specialists overseas and some serious cancer disruptors!
Don’t take no for an answer! Life will find a way and if not, you know that you have done everything in your power to find that way!