THE WORST DAY

On Tuesday, 26th of June 2018 I visited the Royal Marsden for my scan results. This time going in felt somewhat strange; there was a heavy humid heat outside and inside a certain feeling of sadness. I had a bit of a breakdown the day before, so had to go clear my head, so spent some time with my friends who treated me to lunch in London.

When I was sat in the waiting room of outpatients in the Royal Marsden, I found myself being sick, uncontrollably. I had this horrific feeling at around 2pm and my parents hadn’t got there yet to meet me, I started to go into panic mode, the kind of frantic mess type of panic mode, I was sweating, had the salty sickness taste and my body just felt weak. I was called over by a nurse to check my stats at around 2:30pm, turned out I had a temperature and wasn’t very well.

I was put into a room to wait for the doctors, finally with about 5 minutes to spare my parents made it. This was followed by the doctors and nurses coming in, I knew straight away something was wrong.

The doctor, sat down and asked how I felt. I was sat on the bed and explained that I wasn’t too great, truth was I was in agony, the sheer number of tumours and where they are placed in my chest, back and side. The lymphedema has got worse and the swelling is pretty bad by this point, my arms swollen and rubs on the tumours on my left side so causes more pain!

The doctor then spent some time checking me over, then we got down to the results, the results were not good at all, the tumours had grown, there is new spread and it’s now uncontrollable. At this point he proceeded to tell that all treatment would now stop.

That was a heart-breaking thing to hear, as someone who is passionate about living and living life to its fullest it really puts a downer on the day!

But… as always’s I looked at it objectively, how can we move forward from this point and pick up from where we left off researching. So, I made some calls, sent some emails and have meetings set up with drug trial units, specialists overseas and some serious cancer disruptors!

Don’t take no for an answer! Life will find a way and if not, you know that you have done everything in your power to find that way!

The Last Video I Posted Before The Results

About PeeWeeToms

So what's the story? Well in 2015 I was diagnosed with a Sarcomatoid Carcinoma. To say the least it was aweful, I have managed to get through three years now with it coming back with vengance 4 times. On the 29th December 2017 I found it had likely spread. This is my dialogue with myself.

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41 Comments on “THE WORST DAY”

  1. I have been thinking about you. I am so sorry about your results…I wish I could take this pain away from you and have you be healthy and happy. I want you to know your light will shine forever in everyone’s heart!! Sending you 💖 from 🌞 Florida 🌴 🐚 🐬 🐠 💋

  2. I’m so sorry for your last scans. I keep you in my thoughts and prayers all the time. I was a follower of Emily also and her passing keeps me in tears . Seems so unfair that they can’t seem to find a cure for cancer or even why people have to have it. I read where you said you were looking into drug trials overseas maybe. I’m certainly not giving you any advice but just some info. Someone mentioned Stanford in Calif. They saved my daughters life. (Not Cancer related). I’m sure you have researched until your sick of it, but also wanted to mention their is a Cancer Research Hosp in Texas that I’ve heard is the best. I had Polio as a child and know have Post Polio Syndrome that has changed my life in such a negative way. I know about researching anything that might help. I get so many different emotions hope, sadness dome depression elation. I finally had to quit. But just know Daniel so many people are pulling for you.
    Love & Caring from California
    Kim

  3. “But… as always’s I looked at it objectively, how can we move forward from this point and pick up from where we left off researching. So, I made some calls, sent some emails and have meetings set up with drug trial units, specialists overseas and some serious cancer disruptors!” YES DAN YESSSSSSSS please open up the go fund me and change your tube tube settings to collect money , even if you dont use it , donate it to charity. You are beautiful inside and out , so much love for you xxxxx

  4. Just know we will all end up in the same place at the end. Some just get there sooner than others. All your pain and suffering will be gone and the gates of heaven will take you in for a new journey. Of course before you are taken from us I’m keeping fingers crossed there is some trial out there and a miracle happens.

    Doctor’s told me to say goodbye to my mom while she was in ICU. They said while in a coma her organs were shutting down and they would do all they could for one more night. The next morning we came to the hospital and to our surprise mom was awake and her organs were stable. I witnessed a miracle and I pray I can witness one with you.

  5. Dan. You will find a path. Don’t give up. Remember we are all living our lives until we die. Don’t allow yourself to die prematurely by getting lost in sadness. This will pass. Everything in life is moving and changing constantly. Sending my love and support from Melbourne Australia

  6. Oh dan were theres life theres hope y keep going like y have been y an inspiration to all cancer sufferers love to you and your lovely family sarah xxxx

  7. Hola Dan,

    I normally follow you on YouTube and was concerned when you didn’t show up there in the past few days. Cancer is a total twat. It was only a few months ago I started watching your videos. You are now in my thoughts each and every day. Wherever your journey takes you I wish you the best. So from a Canadian living in Mexico I send you love and caring.

  8. Strongest, person I’ve ever have the pleasure of speaking to. Thank you for sharing your story with us and showing everyone how kindness and positivity makes a huge difference to everyone’s lives.

  9. Dear Dan~ you are in my constant prayers. As I said before, where there’s life, there’s hope!!
    So many are pulling for you. I send this with kindest regards from Connecticut, USA. 😊👍🏻

  10. I really don’t know how you do it. Keep positive I mean! I would surely have given up by now. My two daughters (10 & 12) ask after you every day. They think you are amazing and you have shown them that you never give up until you have done it all! We have nothing but admiration for you Daniel.
    Take care, your rare ❤️

  11. Just got the word about results. F*ck cancer. Hearing they are stopping treatment sucks but that you will continue to look for possibilities is great. As I have posted elsewhere, if your journey takes you to SoCA USA, and you need lodging or rides, let me know. Deep caring and high hopes, JC

  12. Oh got it.lol I think you are doing an amazing quest. I know how hard this is.
    I had a long two year journey with Cancer treatment and lost my home, my career. Now i have time to read your blog and follow your journey. My background;I am in Eugene Oregon. My oncology team consulted with The cancer institute in Seattle and with Tumor board. And they ran it by the Swiss Cancer institute tumor board. It’s all a blurry. Stay strong.
    Lorrie

  13. Don’t take no for an answer! Good on you for pushing ahead and doing all you can to find the trials and new things that could be a benefit to you. Thinking of you again and sending you positive thoughts from the US.

  14. Dan, I am so glad to see you are still fighting! Thank you for updating. I haven’t seen you post on YouTube and became quite worried. Don’t give up!

  15. You’re one of the strongest person both mentally and physically I’ve ever met. I’ve worked as a nurse for over 30 years and I’ve never met anyone else who fights as strong as you do after learning the extent of your cancer. Most people would’ve given up long ago. Keep doing what your doing and live every moment. Slide into go base all tattered and worn and use up every bit with fighting the good fight! You’re an inspiration to thousands of people. With love💞

  16. I hope we get to hear more from you if you’re able. Fight until you can’t anymore. Only You can decide when it’s time to let go. I wish the very best for you❣️

  17. I’m sorry you’re feeling so bad. But you KEEP FIGHTING DAN! We all ❤️You and want you to try anything and everything! Cindy☀️California

  18. I’m so sorry to hear this Dan. Wishing you all the very best for the meetings you have arranged. Sending lots of love & positive vibes.

  19. Dan, you are a courageous man. I admire your will to move forward. I thank you so much for your legacy that you will someday leave behind will be one for many too look up to and it will give them HOPE. You never give up you are a leader. A leader with strength, tremendous courage and a beautiful soul. You are in my heart and prayers. May God bless you and hold you close. With much love and gratitude, linda

  20. If you end up being treated in Los Angeles or near there, you are welcome to stay with my family. My husband was treated at city of hope and UCLA. Hotels can get expensive, but I live within a drivable distance. Plenty of room, swim in our pool, have a respite. Know you have friends wherever you go! Willette. Ps I can give you reference names to check us out!!

  21. You go for it Dan. There IS something out there for you. Why, when you have always enjoyed life, should it be taken from you. I pray to my Mum every day, asking her to watch over you. I have so much respect for people like you, who fight hard every day, knowing what’s happening to them, but still smiling. Stay strong huni. Live each day to the fullest. Lots of love xx

  22. I can’t imagine what you’re going through. Sending love from Canada. Despite your position you seem unshakeable.

  23. You’re amazing. You probably hear this everyday and just think yeah ok but Dan you are. We will all go one day fella and I’m scared too. I wish you no pain nor sadness though that will never happen as it is to be expected and I’d feel exactly the same as you. I know we’re all expecting the worse like Emily and we didn’t think itd be so soon 🙁 I wished her the same. I cannot say keep strong, nor keep smiling because there’s just no point, cope in your own way mate. I can say I understand though, I understand how you feel because I’d be the same and I have a huge massive fear of my end and have struggled with this since being a child. I’d say all the silly things that’s plainly obvious to say to someone who is not well at all. Just know your a very special man and I will never ever forget you and Emily x my heart is touched by you and when it’s my turn it’s my turn. Pleasure in knowing/ following you. Take care Beautiful smiling gorgeous eyes Dan x sorry if this is silly to write x

  24. Ooooowww……honey….i,m sorry to read this
    Hope you get the pain medication in time
    To releve you from this …(hell)… pain
    Lots of hugs…….

  25. I would love to read your entire story to better grasp how your where u are today but lm sorry to say lm in Canada a d the feed doesn’t apply to me.Yesterdays dialogue about the news of stopping treatment shocked me so your heart must be a bit broken.Well fact is your very much here now loved and admired by many.Dan your a trooper so March along great days and bad and remember this is a better world with you in it.Love and Oodles of Prayers and Blessings from Vancouver.Wanda Wade

  26. Dan, sorry you had the worst day. But once again, after all that, you ROCK! You must know that you continue to be an inspiration and impact more people’s lives in a positive way than most people will in 90 years. No offense to your nan! Lol. You have helped me with something I’ve been striving for, but had a difficult time with until seeing your example; how to have a more can do attitude. Thank you for that. Continue to not take no as an answer! Sending good vibes and lots of love to you, your family, and friends.

  27. Dan this sounds like like pure hell, I don’t think I’ve read of anything so horrific, like a circle of hell from Dante’s Inferno. Nobody should have to go through this.

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