What Keeps Me Going…

So, what keeps me going on my down days. Those days where I just don’t want to see the world, keep the curtains shut and shut off to everything. Hide under the covers and wish that The Never-Ending Story was on!

Actually, I have an amazon fire stick it can always be on! I love the 80’s and 80’s movies! Actually, I adore the 80’s, why can’t I just rock some 80’s fashion for a week! Maybe that is something I should do in my vlog.

Ohhh, I am meant to be telling you what keeps me going on my down days, well that’s easy, I have cancer don’t I am I want to survive! I think that one of the major factors in me carrying on even when life get’s hard is that little bit of hope that I may actually pull through this.

No matter how small that bit of hope is! I always force myself out of bed. I have a ritual for this daily now, no matter how I feel I get out of bed when I am half asleep and get in the shower! I freshen myself up and try and listen to some good music, get myself fired up for the day.

Nine times out of ten it fails miserably, and I am back in bed within 20 mins and snoring my head off and medicating myself but when it does work and that music flows through my veins and pumps that blood round my body! I have an urge to dance, scream with happiness that I don’t feel awful!

It must be pretty hard for people to understand how sick I am as I always put on a brave face, I am unsure how else to cope with it to be honest.

The thing that has brought me the greatest joy out of anything is the world-wide support of people who have never met me, they support the research I am doing, the community and the ideas I have.

I was at a loss recently as I had to stop working, I know some people think why, well my brain doesn’t function and being a programmer it’s important to be able to function correctly!

Now I just love writing, being supportive to people where I can be and planning what I can do when I am better, I am still holding that hope of being better!

It’s crazy as getting this horrible disease has made me realise what true potential I have to do good in the world and make a bit of a difference, not just that how I could make myself feel better in the process.

I have always been a compassionate person, always go out my way to help people and usually get shat on! I really don’t want that to keep happening so will keep working hard to help people and make them smile.

Laughter is the best medicine and one of the greatest things in the world ever! When someone does that belly laugh and you can’t help but join in laughing with them. Nothing better than that!

One of the hardest things while going through this situation is trying to go through it with dignity! That is the hardest part! It is mega hard to do that part properly!

Anger usually outweighs the joy, but that is for another post! Anger is just a painful part of it all and is from a lack of understanding.

You are probably thinking Dan, why are you trying to still make people smile and raise awareness when you are going through such a tough time. That is simple, everyone deserves to smile, and I love to smile and laugh, and you can’t do that alone very easily.

Building up a community is another thing that has made me feel like I have some worth, the community will be like nothing else out there and hopefully offer 24hr support to those who really need it. No matter what situation they are in.

Lastly, the fact that I won’t give up on life keeps me going more than anything and believing I have so much more to give!

About PeeWeeToms

So what's the story? Well in 2015 I was diagnosed with a Sarcomatoid Carcinoma. To say the least it was aweful, I have managed to get through three years now with it coming back with vengance 4 times. On the 29th December 2017 I found it had likely spread. This is my dialogue with myself.

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3 Comments on “What Keeps Me Going…”

  1. I will be praying for you and worried all week. I have had 3 abdominal surgeries for Crohn’s and one for gall bladder. Not fun, but nothing as serious as yours. My best wishes from the middle of America, Iowa.

  2. Don’t give up, Don’t give in! It’s super early the 26th here, and I just saw this story about determination of an Onco doc with that s.o.b., cancer. See below…Inspires doesn’t it.We are never in this fight against this b* alone. Gonna start studying on this TCELL study they are doing here. Give me a couple of days to learn more. I’ll try to email…forgive and forget about data I may findicate that you may have seen already or have already. I am going to read feverishly.
    T Cell therapy, and progress thereof isn’t that new but….sending hugs from USA, the old lady Hunter. ( my link doesn’t work, but the medical express one does.


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