A few weeks ago, I was in excruciating pain, that pain was like being hit in the side with the pointy end of a knife repeatedly or comparable to a baseball bat of nails.
It’s hard to explain properly but I couldn’t sleep well, enjoy life and spent a lot of time in bed. I always thought there’s nothing I can do to stop the pain but then I was admitted to hospital, in hospital they dosed me with morphine and codeine.
This was brilliant as it numbed the pain rather well, it didn’t stop fully but numbed it a lot. Problem was it made me a bit doolaly! Hyper, angry, aggressive even! Scary some said but the pain stopped.
After speaking to others about this they have experienced the same thing and the aggression is from worry and anxiety of the situation. I’m always fearless but being human you will always worry about things. Being worried shows you are human! Very human!
No a few weeks have past things are worse than ever, but I am avoiding pain medication in order to enjoy my life. It sounds silly, but I’ve found adrenaline makes me pain free for a few hours. So, I always take myself out my comfort zone.
What’s crazy is that being out my comfort zone does help me control the pain, not ease the anxiety or fears but they will be there no matter what! Which is normal day to day behaviour of a cancer patient, the anxiety and stress is unbelievable but when it turns to self-pity and depression is when it becomes dangerous!
I know full well if I stayed in bed all day and did nothing I would go down very fast! Very, very fast!
I see that life is for living and should be there for me to learn from and live to my full potential. Being fearless against this is helping me so much! So much!
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