I am currently sat in bed, I am currently finding it hard to move, I am currently in pain, I am currently in tears!
I am currently battling cancer! I am CURRENTLY BATTLING CANCER!
Today is the first day I have felt I am losing against it ever! I have never felt this way before! I have never felt so low, miserable and unwell in my life.
I am having issues with almost every part of my body no and I feel like I may keel over at any point! I am seriously stuck in this situation! I am seriously in over my head! I am seriously worried about this situation as soon I may end up being dead!
I am a positive person, but I am realistic, I know when something is not right and this feels like it is not right.
If I gave you my symptoms you would say seek help, If I told you my feelings you would lock me up.
I feel trapped, I now feel trapped in a body that I don’t want. In a skin that is not my own! In a world I have no control of.
I am sick! I am run down! I want it to end! I WANT IT TO END!
I don’t know how much I can take now, I am unsure how much mentally I can take either! There seems to be this ugly mother fudger on my shoulder shouting at me saying end it! Then an pretty ass angel on the other side saying nooooo!
The problem now is I know whats happening, I can feel it all, I also know I have no hope left really of staying ok for long! I am sick! I am unwell! I am scared to sleep!
I am a persona! I am not me anymore! I am not happy, neither am I sad. I am in a grey area of I am just GLAD to be alive, but some times I wish I had died!
It’s hard to understand, it’s hard to explain!
I was ignored! I was left to fend for myself!
I won’t give up, I just feel like poo!