Emotions Maketh Man

So, men don’t really show emotions, but I want to challenge that today, emotions maketh man! You know those overwhelming emotions that take over day to day life.

I can tell I am unwell, I am getting clearly and visibly worse. It’s a strange emotional turmoil as on one hand I have things I am committed to and need to do but on the other I am just not well enough.

It’s slowly starting to upset me more and more the fact I am unwell and pushes me to really dark places.

The pain I have now is almost unbearable, I can’t seem to stop it and it creates a bag of mixed emotions!  The type of emotions that make you want to cry, break down and just give up.

I haven’t really made it common knowledge, but I have excruciating pain in my left lung region, my ribs and other parts of my left side. I also feel that I am having constant panic attacks now, but I clearly am not.

Coping isn’t easy without knowledge and the raw emotion and the violence of it all is overbearing. By violence I mean how aggressive it all is with me and that’s not just in a single way of the cancer, there’s loads of outside factors that contribute to this! Lack of knowledge, the fear of the unknown, the possibility of dying in pain, that’s not guaranteed but it never the less plays on my emotions.

I did a test with a sleep monitor and slept less than 1hr and 3mins last night, no wonder I feel down and out! I wish I felt better! I wish I didn’t have this, it’s like a massive stressful weight!

Anyway, the point of this post is it’s ok for men to have emotions and show them! Who cares what other people think! I know that I feel upset, sick and distraught sometimes. The other day the simplest task became hard due to me being so fed up and worked up.

I wish I had more answers to everything, but I don’t 🙁

This is a short video on how I cope and don’t cope…

About PeeWeeToms

So what's the story? Well in 2015 I was diagnosed with a Sarcomatoid Carcinoma. To say the least it was aweful, I have managed to get through three years now with it coming back with vengance 4 times. On the 29th December 2017 I found it had likely spread. This is my dialogue with myself.

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