So What’s Positive In This Whole Experience? 

Now, you may have seen my earlier post about the doctors thinking I had a limp. Well that was one positive as I clearly don’t have a limp, if I did it would definitely be a gangster lean! You know the ones with the trousers half way down the arse and handkerchief hanging out the back pocket. Apparently I do actually have my pants out but I only wear CK’s so it’s ok, I just channel my inner David Beckham in that scenario, minus the skirt. God bless David Beckham the national treasure! Lolz! I could have said Justin Bieber but he is not someone to aspire to be really. Bielieb me on that one! 

So, what is positive about cancer? Short answer is nothing! Absolutely nothing! What’s positive about the experience, surprisingly quite a lot. From the experience, and the time I have had to deal with this, I have learnt so much about the human mind, about how other people interact with the afflicted and how you get dismissed a lot. 

You may think those are all negatives, but how can they be when you are learning more every day. I admit some time it took to adjust to the prognosis and diagnosis, because I looked physically fit, regardless of the amount of surgery I was never entitled to any benefits and had to work almost immediately after! But, again it made me stronger! 

The bonds that I had with people were tested but again, it made me realise who was there for me and who was not. Simply put I waded through the shit and found such beauty in the world afterwards.

People are intriguing and the people I was surrounded with were just not the best for me! I don’t need people around me who are negative, I hate negativity. Be positive, be happy! 

So what is really positive? One I haven’t given up, I have pushed myself to do things I never thought possible! I have created numerous successful companies, I have inspired others to be successful and I have become me again! I am free, and I can express myself however I chose. 

Why? Because I have lost all my inhibition? No, because I just don’t see why I have to worry what people think of me anymore. If I want to do it, I will do it! I don’t have to please anyone else on my quest for enlightenment and you know what, I’m young! I’m not defeated! I am not depleted and I am not weak! 

I’ve had people tell me in the past it’s not that bad your alive! Oh great I am alive and I get sick and I have tumours in my body and I have to have surgery a bunch! In all seriousness there is no cancer that is nice, there is no cancer that doesn’t affect everyone that you come into contact with. 

What do people do in this situation they either take the pity route or try and have a laugh about it! I am the first one to take the piss out of myself, and I am always going to be obsessed with information regarding things as everyone should be more educated on one of the world’s biggest killers.

Smart money is on a cure, smart money is a cure, smart money is on a cure. You may never be able to cure it! It’s a much more than just cellular growth! It’s groups of shitty cells being dicks and arguing and replicating within your body and slowly eating you live. 

Ok, that’s not strictly true but pretty much the essence of it all, now you may think again that may be a bit negative? But what better to spur you on to do things you never thought you could do before! 

Sickness and being unwell in my experience can be controlled, I’m not sure if it’s down to determination or I’m just a crazy ass who carries on no matter what, but I do. Don’t get me wrong I have crashed a few times, have a dodgy ticker and have numerous respiratory problems. But that won’t stop me! I’m off to DisneyLand as they say! Well for me that’s what I do when I am fed up but yeah, anyone who knows me knows that. 

Please understand this is my experience and yours may differ massively, but it’s taken me a long time to become this positive about everything. 

I should also make clear I’m not a rich guy, I don’t make much money anymore as I just earn enough to get by and pay my way but I realise I need to get away! 

Since finding out I have cancer, I got to know my family again, I got to know my mom and dad better! I took my family on holiday, I tried to understand more about who I was! What I’d done at points to upset others and tried to become a better person. 

Who wants to end up dead and be thought of as a dick? I know I don’t want that! 

Take risks, I don’t mean jump off a bridge or play russian roulette with live bullets. I mean try the things that you never thought you could! 

I want to learn to fly this year and you know what, nothing is going to stop me from doing it! Absolutely nothing! 

My mother runs a charity for special needs and severely disabled kids and adults and you know what that inspired me to not be down about it, how is my problem any different to theirs, my illness doesn’t cheapen theirs in any way when I am around them. I wouldn’t dream of patronising anyone of them by saying how are you, how you feeling because what a crock of shit that would be. They are human just like me! So why would I feel I am any different. 

Cancer is not a disability, cancer is not a bragging right, cancer is not tool to get free stuff!

On the other hand some of the things cancer causes are disabilities, they are a bragging rights and entitle you to free stuff! 

I brag about my huge scar, it’s ace! A shark got me, sometimes it’s a samurai got me, he just knicked my leg as well while he was doing flips and shit! 

Now, I categorically wouldn’t say I had a disability but in reality I do, I should have physio and sports massage as I am missing a hefty portion of my back, but what’s the point when I can exercise myself and try keep active! Key word is try, try is a mega word here as I do try my best to stick to a routine even with food so I don’t slip into weight loss. 

I am rambling in this post more than usual, but I fail to see negatively even though I have no idea how this will affect me, how can I be, humans should thrive of the uncertain! They should eat up every day and take every opportunity they can to be better every single day and educate themselves.

About PeeWeeToms

So what's the story? Well in 2015 I was diagnosed with a Sarcomatoid Carcinoma. To say the least it was aweful, I have managed to get through three years now with it coming back with vengance 4 times. On the 29th December 2017 I found it had likely spread. This is my dialogue with myself.

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