Song Of The Moment: Rewrite The Stars – The Greatest Showman
What if we did rewrite the stars as they say and maybe the world could be ours! Likely not though!
At 4:45pm on the 29th December 2017 I decided boom let’s have a shower, in true Dan fashion I decided to take a seriously long shower and for once check my body for lumps and bumps as I hadn’t done it for a while.
There I am merrily listening to my Britney Spears mixtape in the shower (ps that’s not true was probably something like I See Stars or Enter Shikari). ANYWAYS! I found a lump in a new place, somewhere I had never found one before. I was in shock! I stood still for what seemed an eternity while I thought do I say something or do I just leave it.
Low and behold I chose to shout for someone to check it, they confirmed it wasn’t normal. The thing that worried me at this time was I don’t want to be a boy with breast cancer, not that it would emasculate me, but I just don’t want a boob job. Breast cancer sucks trust me I know enough people who have had it and are going through it, so I am not taking anything from that shitty experience, but I just don’t want to have a boob job! (I know it’s not a boob job it’s surgery to remove a lump an lymph nodes, I know this as well as everyone so please don’t have a go at me I am trying to make light of a terrible situation). I suppose it would add to my repertoire of unbelievable stories but still not something I think I can cope with along with the rest of the surgeries I have had in the past few years!
So what did I do after that? I decided that the best idea would probably be go see a doctor and see what they say so I headed to accident and emergency to be told it most likely is cancer and that they can’t do anything L. So, I phoned my mum who went ape! She was like let me call around, in the end I had to go to New Cross to A+E to get checked.
NOW that was my first mistake! I was in a waiting room getting sicker for 4hrs and when I did see a doctor they did nothing. I don’t usually admit defeat but was so done in I gave up for the day, went to bed and that was that! Like it or Lump it!
Two days past and I was in agony, so unwell it was ridiculous! I saw my local doctor on the Sunday and they said I had infections and was unwell, they were also worried that it had spread to my lungs. Again, that awkward call to my mother, tell her the news, she loses it and phones New Cross again and manages to get me seen immediately and have the tests done to see if I would die imminently, obviously I haven’t I made it to another year! I made it! The start of this year I wouldn’t have been so sure having multiple tumours and surgeries.
So yeah, I went home, I went back to spend the new year chilling trying my hardest not to think about the shit storm that is about to start! The crap that goes along with Cancer is probably harder to deal with than the pain. You get used to the pain, you don’t get used to the feeling of letting people down, you never get used to seeing others cry because of the pain you’re in!
Now it is Tuesday a whole 5 days later and the lump has gone from 1cm to 2cm in that short time and I have a secondary in my back by the looks of it! I have no idea what type it is as I have a mixture of cancers and they present as different types each time due to its Sarcomatoid Carcinoma nature.
Hard is an understatement of how things are now, I pretend I am well every single day, I make sure my hairs cut, I trim my beard and keep myself from looking unwell. I pile calories into me and protein, I work out regardless of whether I am unwell because I am not going to be defeated by anything till I chose!